personal essays

8 Things Lonely Girls Need To Remember

To all the lonely girls out there – you may be lonely, but you are not alone in feeling that way.

We all love the idea of love. Despite how bitter some of us come across,┬ádeep down we all just want to be loved by someone. And that’s okay. Here are some other reminders of things you should always keep in mind when you are feeling the loneliness kick in.

We need to stop searching for love.

I think a huge reason why divorce happens so often for young adults is the simple fact that we are searching for love (and believing we have found it) merely for the sake of saying that we have found our soulmates. We watch rom-coms and chick flicks knowing that in the end the two characters will always end up together, and it makes us yearn for a similar romance in our lives to the point that we create it where it doesn’t even exist. We know these stories are fictional, yet the writers make us connect with and relate to the characters so deeply that we believe their on-screen lives could parallel reality, and we search for a similar plot line of our own. Stop doing this. Realize that being alone is okay, and learn how to be alone.

We need to focus on being the best possible version of ourselves, and learn how to be responsible for ourselves before we can commit to being responsible for anyone else.

You can’t love someone else until you first learn how to love yourself. This isn’t a new concept by any means; I’ve given this advice to friends over the years, and I’ve also received this advice many times. But it’s true. Until you figure out who you are as an individual, you are never going to be fully satisfied in a relationship. Being dependent on someone else for your happiness is no way to live life, so it’s crucial that you allow yourself the time to get to know you and love you before you love him.

We shouldn’t settle for forcing ourselves to love someone who comes along when we’re searching for someone to fill a void; we should fill that void with things we already love

It is so easy to get caught up in a new romance. It is even easier to get attached to someone while you are at a vulnerable point in life. Rebound relationships/hookups happen because we are hurting and have lost someone who used to be such a big part of our lives, and all we want is for that hole to disappear no matter what we have to fill it with. Since the void was created from love that was lost, naturally we want to find a new love to take its place. Don’t. Fall in love again with your friendships or hobbies/interests you had before. Take the time to remember who you used to be, and fall in love with yourself rather than settling for someone because he is convenient.

The right person will come along when he is meant to, not when you are desperately searching for affection.

Being patient is such a hard thing to do, believe me I know. But by actively hunting for a companion, you end up settling for just about anyone who will pay attention to you and make you feel special. The right person will come along when you stop trying to force it. My view on fate is a little bit complicated, but things in life tend to happen how they are supposed to and when they are supposed to happen. So breathe. Practice patience.

We settle for less than we deserve because we are more focused on making ourselves the kind of women any guy could love, rather than making ourselves the kind of women we could love.

We care more about what guys think of us than what we think of us. Imagine the power we could have as women if we spent more time bettering ourselves for our own approval rather than limiting ourselves to what a man wants us to be. One woman can change the world, so why not let that woman be you? Don’t settle for just being good enough for a man, especially if that man’s standards aren’t very high to begin with. Focus on becoming the kind of woman you would want your daughter to be. Be the woman who changes the world.

Love yourself first and the rest will follow.

Like I said earlier, things happen how they are meant to happen. If you are working toward being the best possible version of you, everything else in life will follow naturally. Love who you are and love your life, and things will fall into place effortlessly.

If you have to change the basic principles of who you are, or give up something you love just to keep him, he isn’t the one.

No guy worth keeping will ever ask you to sacrifice who you are. You are incredible and irreplaceable. Never let anyone make you question that. The second you feel uncomfortable or like you are compromising your integrity, walk away. You deserve more respect than that.

Never change to fit his mold of what a woman should be; change because you want to grow into the woman you have the potential to be.

A woman should be exactly whatever she wants to be. If he tells you that you aren’t a real woman because you don’t fit certain criteria, leave. If you must change, do it for you. Evolve into a better woman than you were yesterday. Continue to grow to your fullest potential. Don’t stop until you become the woman you want to be. And then, go out and change the world.


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