family & parenthood, personal essays, relationships

To My Someday Daughter

(This essay was also published on Thought Catalog in February 2017.)

You aren’t here yet, but you will be someday.

I don’t know when that day will come, but when it does, I will have so many things I want to tell you. I’ll want you to know how precious and perfect and pure you are. I’ll want you to know that your tiny heart that once beat inside of me too will be so full and content once you meet your family – our family. I’ll want you to know a few things that I wish I had known when I was younger.

Don’t let the cruelty of the world make you bitter.

Instead, let it inspire you to be even more compassionate so that there is a little less harshness for others to experience. The world can be such a negative place. None of that will weigh you down unless you let it. Try to see life in a better light, and the darkness won’t stand a chance.

Never sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else.

Never stay in a relationship because you feel obligated to. Everyone deserves the type of love that can move mountains. Don’t settle for a love that only throws stones.

Don’t let yourself feel guilty for doing what makes you happy.

Sometimes people won’t understand why you have to do something for yourself, and that’s okay. Do it anyway. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Don’t let your happiness become dependent on a relationship.

If you put your entire heart into one person, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Find other ways to experience joy – friends, hobbies, etc – so that if you do lose that relationship, you’ll still have a piece of you to rebuild from.

Even if you love someone, it doesn’t mean they are the right person for you.

Not all loves are meant to last forever. Some are fleeting – those are often the best romances because of their purity. Love is a complicated thing that nobody really understands, but when you find the right person, you’ll know. Don’t settle for mediocre love if you know the real thing is still out there somewhere.

If someone isn’t willing to fight for you, why should you keep fighting for them?

You are worth fighting for, and the right person will continue to fight for you every single day. If a day comes where someone isn’t fighting for you anymore, it’s time to start fighting for yourself. Sometimes it’s better to just let go and move on with your life.

What matters is your happiness. Everything else will follow.

Follow your instincts, but listen to your heart, and you’ll end up exactly where you’re supposed to be. Once you begin to focus on what feels right to you and what makes you happy, everything else in your life will start to fall in place. Trust that the universe has a plan for you. Have faith.

kristangible

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